


It's Always Sunny in Gotham

by 221blackandwhitestripes



Series: Nygmobblepot Week 2019 [3]
Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Anal Sex, Attraction, Banter, Blow Jobs, Day Three: AU/Crossover, Drought, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Happy Ending, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nygmobblepot Week 2019, Pre-Canon, Preserving Water, Roommates, Shorts, Summer, Swearing, Top! Oswald, having fun, heat waves, showering together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 13:52:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18251156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/221blackandwhitestripes/pseuds/221blackandwhitestripes
Summary: It's one of the hottest days Gotham city has ever seen, and it's just Oswald Cobblepot's luck that his roommate, Edward Nygma, still hasn't fixed the air-con.Nygmobblepot Week Day Three: AU/Crossover





	It's Always Sunny in Gotham

**Author's Note:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ It was a hot Summer, guys. It does things. You can't blame me.

Oswald sighed, pushing his laptop off his thighs decisively. He had hoped the tiny, whirring fan would cool him down, but it had only ended up pushing more hot air into his face, doing nothing.

He side-eyed the air conditioner a couple feet away - off. Broken. Curse Ed and his fucking experiments. It had been all fine and dandy back in February, but it was the middle of Summer, now, and it still hadn’t been replaced. Needless to say, Oswald was cooking like his mother’s goulash, sizzling in the roasting heat like an American barbecue. He had another fan set up, pushing more warm air around, and all the windows were open. Nothing helped. 

Fucking Ed and his propensity to break absolutely _everything_. He couldn’t just leave the air-con alone. He just had to _‘experiment’_.

A key turned in the lock. Speak of the devil.

“Ugh, why is it so hot in here?” Ed announced his presence, shutting the door behind him.

“Because you broke the fucking air-con,” Oswald snapped, glad that he could finally tell his roommate off for the disastrous mess he’d made. “It’s a sauna in here.”

“Well, you were supposed to remind me to get it fixed,” Ed pointed out, dropping his satchel bag off his shoulder and onto the floor with a thump.

“Oh, so this is my fault?”

“Yes, that’s what I was saying,” Ed grinned, the fucker. “Hey, do you think I’d be able to have a shower? I’m covered in sweat.”

“No,” Oswald moaned, slipping further down his headboard to perpetuate his misery. “It’s a drought remember.”

“Yeah, but-”

“The building's policy is one fifteen-minute shower per roommate, per day. That’s a pretty good deal. You already used your shower time this morning. Live with it.”

“But you haven’t used yours,” Ed pointed out, nose wrinkled. “I can tell.”

“I’m saving it for later,” Oswald snapped.

“Are you?” Ed questioned. “Because, if you’re not, I could use-”

“YOU’RE NOT TAKING MY SHOWER AWAY!” Oswald shouted. “You’ve taken _so much_.”

“Goodness, fine,” Ed lifted his hands placatingly. “I won’t have a shower.”

“Good,” Oswald grumbled under his breath.

“You really got to learn to share.”

“Fuck you,” Oswald chucked a pillow across the room, smirking as it hit Ed in his dumb face.

“Fine, fine,” Ed laughed, making his way over to their fridge-freezer. “Did you put the water bottles in the freezer?”

“Of course,” Oswald rolled his eyes, wiping his hand on his bed covers before snatching up his phone.

“Good.” The Freezer door opened, Ed presumably grabbing the water bottles before snapping it shut again. “Here.” Oswald held his hand out and the bottle plopped down on the bed sheets instead.

“Learn to aim, Ed,” he grumbled, not looking up from his phone.

“I meant to-”

“Whatever,” Oswald rolled his eyes. “Remember to put two new bottles in there, too.”

“Yes, sir,” Ed giggled, water running as he followed Oswald instruction. Oswald sighed and pushed the bottle between his covered thighs.

“Do you not have shorts?” Ed asked, still in the kitchenette.

“All I have are those stupid rainbow ones from Pride,” Oswald answered.

“So? I won’t judge your rainbow.”

“They’re a bit uncomfortable,” Oswald told him.

“And those aren’t?” Ed gestured to Oswald’s slacks.

“Fine, I’ll change.” Oswald sat up, plopping his phone down on the covers and leaving his bottle with it, moving to his chest of drawers to search for his ill-begotten Pride costume. He sighed as he found it, eyeing the shiny fabric distrustfully.

“I’ll wear mine if it makes you feel better,” Ed’s voice carried from across the room.

“Fine,” Oswald sighed, standing up to drop his slacks, not bothered about changing in front of Ed at this point. They’d been roommates since back when Oswald had still been in college, they were well past self-consciousness.

Oswald tried to pull the front of his shorts down, still hating how they rode up his thighs, his ass cheeks practically hanging out the back.

“I hate this,” he announced, turning to Ed who was leaning back against the fridge-freezer, watching him.

“I know,” Ed told him, smirking. “But they suit your shirt.”

“I’m not wearing a shirt,” Oswald pointed out.

“Exactly,” Ed laughed.

“Shut up,” Oswald rolled his eyes, raising his arms above his head to stretch his back. “I’m still waiting for you to get into yours.

“Fine, fine,” Ed laughed. “I will.” He walked over to his own set of drawers and Oswald melted back to his bed, flopping down. He scowled as he felt the shorts immediately wedge up his crotch, knowing that if he spread his legs any further, he’d simply fall out.

“Be careful, there,” Ed chuckled from where he was shucking his work shirt, leaving his white tank on underneath.

“Oh, shut up,” Oswald grumbled, too hot to throw another pillow, content to just watch as Ed shed his pants as well. He pulled the rainbow shorts up his legs, snapping the elastic into pace with a grin, wriggling his eyebrows at Oswald. Oswald sighed.

At least the shorts fit Ed properly. Oswald would even go so far to say they suit him. His slim, muscular thighs didn’t seem nearly as bulbous as Oswald’s own, peeking out from his shorts hem, and the fabric moulded to Ed’s ass like it was supposed to, barely showing any cheek.

“Fuck you for looking good in those,” Oswald stated, shifting uncomfortably. The temperature always seemed to rise a few more degrees whenever Ed changed in front of him, a fact sometimes easier to ignore than others. Stupid, good-looking roommate. What a menace.

“Born this way, I guess,” Ed snickered, attempting a twirl but messing up when his feet slid out from underneath him.

Oswald cackled. “At least your clumsy ass makes up for it.”

“The balls of my feet are sweating, it’s not my fault,” Ed complained. “My roommate won’t let me shower.”

“My roommate broke the air-con,” Oswald retorted.

“My roommate was supposed to remind me to get it fixed.”

“You idiot,” Oswald chuckled under his breath, reaching for his phone.

“If I’m the idiot, what does that make you?” Ed asked, grabbing his frozen water bottle on his way to his own bed, flopping down back onto it before pressing the bottle between his own thighs.

“Well, I’m the smart one,” Oswald replied, smirking.

“Oh, are you now?” Ed challenged.

“Clearly,” Oswald replied with a sure nod. “You have nothing on me.”

“You are quite right, I concede to the king of knowledge,” Ed laughed.

“Rightly so.”

Ed laughed harder, and Oswald found his eye drawn to him once more, noticing how his tank top had slid up to reveal a strip of his abdomen, shaking with each chuckle. Oswald licked his lips unconsciously.

This problem was far too common in their tiny-ass apartment. Sometimes, in such a small space, it was difficult to ignore Ed’s body, the way it curved a certain way, how the sunlight played off his sweat-soaked skin, the way his muscles and joints rippled and moved in hypnotizing waves like the tide coming into shore. Ed could easily be likened to one of those ancient Greek statues of gods, marble carved so precisely that one was helpless but to admire it.

Oswald shook his head and glanced away, remembering the phone in his hands.

“How long do you think this will take to melt?” Ed questioned, captured Oswald’s attention again as he gestured to the bottle between his thighs, cap pointed down. What a helpful placement.

“Odds are against you, friend,” Oswald sighed, wriggling around to find a more comfortable position for his hot skin on the warm bedsheets. “That's what you get for breaking the air-con.”

“Yeah, yeah, the air-con.” Ed rolled his eyes. “Man's most terrible sin.”

“Burn, Eddie, burn,” Oswald growled, shifting his hips around again, struggling to get comfortable.

“If I’m going to Hell, I’ll drag you with me,” Ed retorted.

“-You say, as if I won’t be leading the charge,” Oswald snorted, shaking his head. 

His phone had already grown sweat-slick in his hand from the short time Oswald had held it, so he dropped it onto the mattress with a sigh, turning onto his front to search for his earphones beneath his bedsheets. He rolled his eyes as he felt his shorts automatically ride up again, Ed’s breathy huff from the other bed accompanying it.

“I fucking hate these,” Oswald grumbled, reaching back momentarily to pull the hem of shorts down to cover _something_ before he continued his search.

“I dunno,” Ed hummed from the other bed.

Oswald huffed, ignoring him as he noticed that the cord seemed to have slipped down between the bed and the wall. Oswald sighed, moving lengthwise across the bed to stuff his hand down the gap, not wanting to have to get on his hands and knees and crawl underneath.

Ed cleared his throat.

“Hmm?” Oswald questioned, snatching the cord as he found it and pulling it up with him happily.

“Nothing.”

Oswald settled back on the bed, narrowly avoiding crushing his laptop with his knee as he turned back around. Ed was looking steadfastly at his phone, one leg propped up with his foot flat on the mattress whilst the other hung over the edge, dangling free, water bottle still situated between his thighs.

Oswald snatched up his own bottle, pressing the plastic against his chest and sighing as he felt the condensation run down his skin. Fucking heaven.

“Wha-” 

Oswald opened his eyes lazily, not caring to remember when they had closed. “Yes?”

“What… what do you wanna eat? I mean - you hungry?” Ed stumbled, the heat seemingly playing tricks on Ed's tongue, but Oswald got the message. 

“I don’t know,” he snorted, closing his eyes again. “I'm not the chef.”

“Oh, don't expect me to make anything,” Ed pleaded, punctuated by short pants of breath. Oh, Ed and his propensity to beg. “I've been working hard all day.”

“Mmm, yes, good boy, going out to make an honest living,” Oswald rumbled, shifting on the bed again and hearing the water bottle slosh. It was already melting. “But need I remind you that I am the money maker in this family. And if you wanted a wife, you should've told me before I moved in.”

“Why would I want a wife? I have you.” Oswald cracked his right eye open, eyeing him wearily. It was a dangerous thing, walking a tightrope in this weather. The heat alone could send them over.

“Well, sorry to complain, but the sex is awful. I feel like you're always making me take care of myself.” For a beat, Oswald worried that the joke may not have landed as Ed peered over at him with a perplexed expression. Then, he threw his head back and laughed, that fucking Edward Nygma laugh, addictive and warm, throat and collarbone on display, sweat soaking the front of his tank top, those _fucking_ majestic shorts. Why did Oswald’s stupid air-con breaker have to be so…

Ed stopped laughing, turning to smile widely at Oswald, brown eyes shining. 

... _Breathtaking._

“So,” Oswald cleared his throat, “speaking of wives, and partners of that nature, how are things _going_ ,” Oswald wiggled his eyebrows, “with the lovely Kristen?”

Ed’s nose wrinkled as he turned and propped himself up on his side, bottle hooked between his legs and chin resting on his upturned palm, seemingly none-the-wiser to the tempting curve of his bicep. “It's not going at all, really,” Ed admitted. “I kinda don't hold out much hope, you know.”

Oswald shrugged. “I trust your judgment with that one. I'm not in the business of wives, as you know.”

“As I know.” Ed nodded. 

“What was that guy's name? The smart one? Oh!” Oswald snapped his fingers, “Lucius Fox. How’s he?”

Oswald watched Ed run his hand through his hair, pulling it away from his sweaty brow as he smiled. “Gorgeous as ever, of course. Like, seriously, Oswald. He’s a stone cold fox. He’s foxy.” Ed laughed at himself.

Oswald raised an eyebrow. What a nerd. “Not my type, but continue.”

“Man, I don’t know. He’s smart, and I can _imagine_ how confident he could be,” Ed's teeth snagged on his bottom lip and Oswald rolled his eyes at the display. “But, I don’t know. Right now, I feel the need to keep my options open.” Ed shrugged. “Don’t ask me why.”

Oswald snorted. “I won’t.”

“Well,” Ed shifted around, a hint more of his pale thigh peeking out from his shorts, that tank top riding up to reveal another delectable inch of his waist. “If Lucius isn’t your “type”, who is?”

Oswald rolled his eyes, reaching for his bottle and popping the cap open. “No idea.” He pushed the bottle between his lips and sucked, ignoring the occasional drip down his chin onto his chest. He pulled back with a sigh. “It’s not like I have a lot of options.”

“Really?” Ed questioned. “You work at _the_ Fish Mooney’s club, and you don’t have a lot of options?”

“Oh, yeah, but you’ve seen what it’s like,” Oswald dismissed, sitting up and cupping his hand to pour some water into before running it through his hair. “The guards are meatheads, the bartenders are dolts and the patrons are too sloppy for me to bother even _trying_ to hold a conversation with them.”

“Ah, but who says you have to converse?” Ed winked.

“Please, Ed, don’t be crass,” Oswald rolled his eyes and Ed shrugged, a twinkle in his eye. “Besides, I want them to at least be able to remember my name afterwards.”

“True,” Ed nodded. “So, what are you looking for, then? What do you want?”

“Oh, you know,” Oswald smirked, taking a sip from his bottle. He’ll have to get up in a minute to find another frozen one. “Smart, tall, lanky, an idiot who breaks the air-con.”

Ed laughed. “A smart tall man who breaks things? Very specific.”

“Ooh, not only air-con. He’s a real heartbreaker, too,” Oswald continued with conviction, laying a hand on his chest. “Been known to leave many young men and women lost and stranded without his love. They will never recover.”

“Hmm, he must be very handsome,” Ed mused.

“Oh,” Oswald sighed dramatically. “So fucking hot, it’s insane.”

Ed giggled, the water bottle shuddering up and down on his chest. Oswald rolled his eyes and scoffed.

“How on earth did we get to talking about this, again?” he asked, standing up to stretch his arms above his head, hearing his back crack.

“No idea,” Ed laughed. Oswald felt his eyes stay on him as he walked to the kitchen and swung the freezer door open, snatching out another bottle.

“Oh, I know,” Oswald said as he closed the freezer door to open the fridge. “We were talking about food. Do you want to order something?”

“Ugh, I don’t know. Do you think fresh fruit delivers?”

Oswald turned to face him. “In Gotham? Probably not, but we can see.” Oswald stalked back to his bed and grabbed his phone.

“You’re a lifesaver, Ozzie.”

“I know, dear,” Oswald teased. “If I can’t find anything, what do you want instead?”

“Sandwiches. Get that new place on the corner, it’s good.”

“Cool,” Oswald replied distantly, focussing on his google search. “Hmm, I can order you a fruit basket.”

“Yes, thank God!” Ed cried, and Oswald looked up just to catch his elated smile while it was still there.

“But it’s thirty bucks.”

Ed cried out planting his hand on his chest. “Ouch, I’ve been hit. I’m dying, Oswald. Please, save me!”

Oswald snorted. “It’s alright, I’ll buy it and you can pay for sandwiches ‘cause we’re getting those too,” he told him, already placing the order.

“Awesome. I never thought I’d have a sugar daddy,” Ed joked, wriggling his hips rather distractingly.

“Lucky you, baby doll,” Oswald drawled, tipping himself back onto the bed and spreading his legs with his feet planted on the covers, frozen bottle hugged to his chest while he sipped more water from the other.

“Mmm, and how handsome he is -- especially from this angle.”

“Shut up,” Oswald rolled his eyes and poured some water down his front with a sigh. “God, it’s so fucking hot.”

“I think I’m dying,” Ed agreed. “Hey, if you’re gonna take that shower, care to share?”

“What? No, that’s my shower, thank you very much,” Oswald sniped. “I deserve a little me-time, okay?”

“But it’s so good for water consumption,” Ed reasoned. Oswald sat up again to catch the tail-end of his smirk.

“You’re gonna have to do some real good convincing if you think I’m gonna let you in there with me,” Oswald told him, scrunching his nose up.

“And if I make it into a game?” Ed proposed eagerly, eyes sparking as he smiled. What a nerd. Oswald raised his eyebrow. “You win, you get to shower by yourself, plus you can take my fifteen minutes tomorrow.”

“And if you win?” Oswald questioned, knowing where this was going.

Edward’s tongue peeked out to drag across his bottom lip. He grinned. “We shower together.”

Oswald blinked.

Rationally, he had the option to say no. Ed wouldn’t push him on this, he knew Oswald’s lines, his limits.

But Oswald blinked. And in that blink, he saw that strip of stomach where Ed’s tank top rode up, those bare thighs, the sweaty curls being pushed back from his forehead.

“Deal.” It came out without thought, but Oswald felt convicted in his decision. “You better wish you win. God knows what kind of body fluids you could end up covered in tomorrow.”

Ed frowned at him. “Do you know something I don’t, Mr Cobblepot?”

“Certainly not,” Oswald smirked. “What kind of man would that make me?”

“A dangerous one,” Ed replied, raising his eyebrow at him. “I'm certainly taking a risk, playing games with a man like you.”

“What game are we playing, anyway?” Oswald asked, sipping his water.

“Let's see.” Oswald gulped his water too fast, unabashedly staring as Ed dropped to his knees and slid his torso under his bed, displaying a particularly ravishing amount of glute. “How does monopoly sound?”

“It’ll never work,” Oswald said absently. “We’ll be at it for hours, with scarcely a break. What about life?”

“Well, I do have a competitive side,” Ed agreed.

“Ah, yeah, you do,” Oswald rolled his eyes. 

“How about Cluedo?”

“Na-ah, none of that. P.I Nygma can play detective on his own time.” He shook his head. 

“I have Scrabble.”

Oswald didn’t say a word, simply slowly dragging up his gaze to meet Ed’s eye.

“No on the Scrabble, then,” Ed sighed. “I don’t know what to play, then, Oswald. I could scrounge around for a pack of cards?”

Oswald frowned. “Ew, no, no scrounging.”

“All that’s left under there is a pad of post-it notes and some old sharpies,” Ed whined.

Like a switch flicking, Oswald had an idea.

“Ed, hand me the post-its and a black sharpie, we’re playing questions and answers,” Oswald announced.

“That works for me,” Ed shrugged, handing the items over. “Let me go get another bottle first.”

“Go ahead,” Oswald waved him away, taking the post-its and printing out the name “BRENDON URIE” in large capital letters.

“Whatcha doin’?” Ed asked around the cap of his defrosted bottle, plopping back down onto the floor in front of him, their bare knees barely grazing.

Oswald swallowed. “Come here.” He directed Ed toward him so he could press the note to his forehead. “Ah, sweat,” Oswald sighed.

“Here,” Ed handed him a scrap of old cloth and Oswald rolled his eyes before wiping the dampness away and finally pressing the note above Ed’s brow.

“Good.” Oswald looked down, noticing just how close he and Ed were, his roommate’s nose an inch from his own, lips notably wrapped around the top of his bottle. Oswald blinked and quickly shot back to where he was, arranging his legs to subtly dissuade focus from the sudden bulge in his too-tight shorts. “Ah, erm, your turn.”

“Right.” Ed took the post-it and printed out some words, beckoning Oswald close once more. Oswald held his breath and allowed Ed to press the note onto his forehead, moving back into place quickly this time to avoid any lingering thoughts.

Ed grinned at him, taking another sip from his bottle. “This is going to be fun.”

Oswald blinked, searching for something. “You know, you look like an infant, sucking on that bottle.”

Ed raised his eyebrow. “Are you calling me ‘baby’?

Oswald sputtered. “I wasn’t - I… Ugh, shut up, Ed.”

Ed laughed, throwing his head back, the beautiful line of his neck on display. Oswald rolled his eyes. 

“Let’s just… start, okay.”

“Sure thing, Ozzie.” Ed winked. Damn that nickname. 

“I’ll go first,” he announced, arranging himself on the floor. “First question: Am I female?”

“Nope,” Ed told him with a grin. “My turn! So,” Ed leaned closer, “Am I a man?” Ed asked, waggling his eyebrows and dropping his voice to a deep tenor.

“Yes,” Oswald answered, rolling his eyes. 

“Good, good,” Ed nodded to himself. “And am I-”

_Knock, knock, knock._

Oswald’s head snapped to the door, eyeing it carefully. “Who is it?” he called.

“Eh, I have a fruit basket and… some sandwiches?”

“Oh, right,” Oswald turned to Ed. “You get it. A.C. wrecker.”

Ed stuck his tongue out at him before getting to his feet and walking to the floor. Oswald took the opportunity to admire those long legs disappearing up into those teeny-tiny shorts.

“Oswald?”

“Yes?” Oswald replied quickly, eyes making the long journey up Ed's torso and shoulders to meet his gaze. 

“Cash?”

“Oh.” Oswald blinked. “Wallet’s on the counter.”

“Cool,” Ed smirked. God, did he have to be so freaking distracting? T-shirts slipping up to tease at his torso, the hems of his shorts _just_ brushing the creases of his inner thighs, tank top scooping low to reveal the barest flash of Ed’s chest whenever he bent over.

Fuck, Oswald needed to get out more.

“Here ya go.” Oswald looked up as Ed plopped his sandwich down in front of him.

“Thanks.”

“Oh, _sweet_ , there’s watermelon in this!”

Oswald rolled his eyes, unwrapping his sandwich. “Enjoy.”

“Oh, I will,” Ed declared, grinning wickedly. 

Oswald shook his head, watching Ed’s ass move as he walked to the kitchen, presumably fetching a knife. 

“So,” Ed called from the kitchen, “Do you want something?”

_You._

Oswald cleared his throat. “No melon for me, but I'll have an orange if there is one.”

Ed laughed.

“What?” Oswald questioned, scowling. 

“Trust you to want something sour yet sweet.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Oswald asked. Ed shook his head. “Is this some sort clue for-” Oswald pointed to the post it on his forehead. 

“No, not at all,” Ed sang with a giggle. 

Oswald frowned. He bet it was a clue. 

Ed returned to his spot across from him, Oswald looking up from his sandwich to take the plate of orange slices Ed offered him. Oswald put one in his mouth, sucking at the juice happily.

“Shall we continue?” he asked, slightly muffled by the orange.

Ed laughed, shaking his head. “Sure. It’s still my turn to ask a question.”

“Yes, it is,” Oswald confirmed, taking the orange peel out and placing it on the plate. “So, ask away.”

“Hmm.” Ed leaned back against his bed, planting his feet on the floor. Oswald had to bite his lip and tear his gaze away from those pale thighs before he lost his mind. “Am I… an actor?”

“No.” Oswald shook his head and smirked, shoving the rest of his sandwich in his mouth at once. “My turn.”

Ed laughed at him, shaking his head like a wet puppy. “Disgusting.”

Oswald rolled his eyes and swallowed his mouthful. “Hmm… am I currently alive?”

“Nope.” Ed popped his P. “My turn!”

“Fine.” Oswald shoved another orange slice in his mouth, bored with not getting anywhere in this game. He watched Ed lick juice from his fingers with a smile, other hand stretching for another slice of watermelon.

“So, Oswald,” Ed took a bite, juice sluicing down his chin, dripping down his neck, soaking into that tight tank top stretched over his chest. “If I’m not an actor, am I a singer?”

Oswald eyed the wet stain, looking up when Ed wiped his chin with his forearm. “Correct,” he told him, voice like crusted salt.

“A singer!” Ed grinned and took another bite. Juice dripped down his hand, ran down to his elbow, plopped onto his abdomen, stained his shirt. It stuck to his skin. “Wow, this watermelon is good.”

“I can tell.” Oswald wouldn’t mind licking it up.

“Do you want some?” Ed pointed to the plate with an inquisitive expression.

“Oh, no, you have it, I’m good.” Oswald indicated the rest of his orange slices and the other half of his sandwich. “Really.”

“Okay,” Ed chirped and took another bite. Delicious.

Stupid fucking brain.

“So, back to the game,” Ed began, shifting around his position. Oswald watched his fingers graze down his thigh, wiping away the juice. His mind immediately followed, tongue mentally tracing over the muscle, licking up, up, up-

Oh dear. Oswald was in big trouble.

“Oswald?”

“Y-yeah?” Oswald quickly placed his hands in his lap not-so-subtly, struggling to drain the heat from his cheeks.

“I asked if I was in a band?” Ed looked down at him. Oswald’s toes curled.

“Oh.” He swallowed. “Yes. Yes, you are.”

“Good.” Ed finished off his slice, slurping juice from the skin, and Oswald had to close his eyes and press his lips together tightly to keep something embarrassing from coming out.

“Hmm.” Ed set the skin down, deliberately pushing a couple of the plates out of the way. Oswald blinked, looking at the space between them.

No obstacles.

Dangerous.

“Tell me, Oswald,” Ed planted his hand in the space between them, leaning forward, eyes dancing. Oswald held his breath, fingers fisting in the loose fabric at the sides of his shorts.

_What are you doing, Edward?_

“Am I…” Ed waved his hand in the air. “Attractive?”

Oswald gulped the air, this heat wave rising up his neck, more sweat gathering. “Y-yes.”

“Interesting.” Ed’s lips stretched into a smile. He came closer - as if Oswald had asked him to under his breath. _Had_ he asked him to? No, surely he would remember that.

Oswald felt he was choking on this goddamn, too-hot air. Why the fuck couldn’t Ed just get the damn air con fixed?

“And, Oswald,” Ed tossed his head a little, smiling almost playfully. “Would you kiss me?” Ed’s tongue darted out across his lip and Oswald watched as the glow in his eyes melted away, leaving some kind of vulnerability, a longing Oswald hadn’t seen until now. “If I asked?”

Oswald’s eyes drifted up to the post-it note stuck to Ed's forehead. Surely, that was what this was about. This was a game. They were playing a game.

Ed began to sink away from him, withdrawing like a butterfly trying to return to the comfort of its chrysalis, but Oswald couldn’t let that happen. His hand fisted in Ed’s tank top, sucking the wet fabric away from his skin.

“Are you asking?”

Ed blinked up at him, hazy like smoke from a fire. “Kiss me. Please.”

Oswald didn’t hesitate, he'd wanted Ed for too long. Lips and teeth, Oswald’s tongue not holding back as it delved forth. Ed made a low sound in the back of his throat which quickly turned into a squeak as Oswald sneaked his hand up under his shirt. 

Oswald pulled back, wondering if he was out of line, but he suddenly felt Ed's hand clutching tight in his hair, pulling him in as he muttered; “You just had to go shirtless, didn’t you?”

It seemed Oswald wasn’t the only one who'd been compromised by the heat.

Lips pulling at each other, tongue scraping Ed's palate, they lost themselves in each other. Oswald's hand wandered, exploring the plains of Ed's stomach beneath his shirt. He traced a line over the scrawny man's ribs, wondering at the softest flecks of hair against his fingertip. Oswald's other hand dropped to Ed's thigh, gently caressing the muscle like he'd done a thousand times in his mind.

He broke the connection of their lips, panting in the space between them, only to press hot, open-mouthed kisses along Ed’s jaw and down Ed's neck. He stopped at the cleft of his shoulder, licking and sucking at the salt gathered there, wringing out his mind like a wet towel.

“Ah, Oswald,” Ed whined, hands in his hair, thigh jumping beneath his touch,

Delectable air-con breaker.

Oswald licked his way back up Ed's neck and _bit_.

“Oswald!” Ed cried out, hips lifting up in a snap. “Oswald, Oswald, Oswald!”

Oswald grinned, the flat of his teeth brushing Ed’s skin. Fuck, he'd wanted this, wanted _Ed_. That gorgeous smile, the too-quick mind, and a body that quaked in his dreams and made him undone.

And now the infuriatingly beautiful idiot was moaning at his touch like he was just as wrecked as Oswald had felt for longer than he could remember. 

“I-” Ed shivered deliciously as Oswald directed another precise nip to his jugular. “I-I still have another question.”

“Oh, yeah?” Oswald didn’t look up, having found a beauty spot on Ed's skin that needed his attention urgently. 

“Y-yes,” Ed nodded, a clear catch in his throat. “It’s - uh - it's a serious question.”

Oswald rolled his eyes but pulled back to meet Ed's eye. “Shoot.”

Ed licked his lips. “Would you fuck me too? If I asked?”

Oswald’s eyes flicked up to the post-it, considering. “If your wife was cool with it, sure.”

“Oh, you're right,” Ed nodded seriously, standing up, “I'll go ask her.” He stepped away with a cheeky grin.

“Get back here, you gorgeous fucking menace.” Oswald made chase, hugging Ed under his ribs and scooping him up. Ed squeaked and burst into laughter as Oswald carried him to his bed and dropped him there.

“My, my, a big, strong man,” he purred between giggles. 

“Shut up.” Oswald flopped down on top of him with a huff, grinding his hips slightly. “It’s too hot for these games.”

“You’re right.” Ed nodded seriously. Oswald reached up and pulled the post-it off, doing the same with his own and crumpling them in his fist before throwing them away. “You know, you should take those shorts off.”

“Hmm,” Oswald frowned like he was contemplating it, “I may need some convincing.”

“You-” Ed cut himself off, eyes suddenly flashing like the first burst of light of a police siren. “I'll suck you off if you let me take them off.”

Heat flooded Oswald’s cheeks as his brain sparked the image of Ed’s beautiful lips wrapped tightly around his cock. “And here I thought that I would be fucking you.”

“Oh, don't worry, I'm sure you can last.” Ed winked.

Oswald scrutinized him but decided to allow it, taking one of Ed’s wandering hands and applying it to his waistband. 

“Do your worst.”

Ed grinned, fingers hooking into his shorts and finally ridding Oswald of the rest of his clothing. 

Ed laid back on the bed, patting his chest. “Up here.”

“Seriously?” Oswald asked, raising his eyebrow with a chuckle.

Ed shrugged. “Fulfil my fantasies, why don’t you?”

Oswald looked him up and down, tank top pushed up his stomach, shorts pulled low over his hips. “If you fulfil mine.”

“Touché.” Ed winked.

Oswald climbed up the bed, straddling Ed’s chest. “Are you sure about this?”

He stroked himself, anticipation building in the wake of Ed's fluttering eyelashes. 

“Yes, please,” Ed groaned, seeming utterly impatient. 

Oswald bit the inside of his cheek, locking their gazes as he slowly guided his cock to Ed's lips. 

“Fuck, Edward.” Oswald’s hips shuddered as he struggled to keep still. Ed shot him a wink, suckling the head of Oswald’s cock softly, lapping at the skin.

“Oh, you're just doing that on purpose, you imp,” Oswald hissed.

Ed shrugged, eyes sparkling. Oswald felt hands sneak up his thighs and grab his ass, encouraging him to go deeper, Ed moaning around him.

“God, you look gorgeous like this,” Oswald panted, struggling to control his twitching pelvis and the desire to hold Ed down by the hair and just _pound_ him.

Ed did a wonderful trick with his tongue that sent Oswald’s spine spasming and his control slipping away like silk.

“Okay, okay,” he gasped. “Stop before I lose my head.”

Ed chuckled around him, a vibration that sent jolts to Oswald’s gut, but he thankfully let go, allowing Oswald to free himself from his hold. 

“Just you wait,” Oswald snapped at Ed's self-pleased expression. “I'm going to fuck you to cloud nine.”

Ed smiled, wriggling his hips invitingly. “Prove it.”

Oswald grinned sitting back to trail his hands down Ed's shoulders and chest, fingering the hem of his top.

“May I?”

Ed swallowed. “You may.”

There were no secrets between them - how could there be in such close quarters? - so Oswald knew exactly which scars he would find as he pulled Ed's shirt up and out of the way. He admired the beautiful marble skin, iridescent in the sunlight, though dented and damaged in places.

“Beautiful,” he stated, bending to place a kiss on Ed's chest. 

Ed's ribs shuddered as he looked up at Oswald beneath his eyelashes. “Please.”

Oswald smirked. “Where do you want me, lover-boy?”

Ed huffed a laugh, dragging his fingernails down the front of Oswald’s chest intoxicatingly. “Inside me, please and thank you.”

“Oh, baby,” Oswald fluttered his eyelashes, letting out a long, faux moan. “You ask so _nicely_.”

“Shut up,” Ed giggled, smacking Oswald’s ass.

“Hey, now,” Oswald grabbed Ed’s wrist in reprimand, “Don’t go getting any false ideas of who’s in charge here.”

Ed gasped, eyes wide. “Oh _no_ , sir, I wouldn’t dream of it!”

“Fucking demon boy,” Oswald muttered, rolling his eyes and shaking his head as he sat back. “Do you have any lube, or should I get mine?”

“Here,” Ed sat up as well, leaning over the side of the bed to open one of the built-in drawers.

“Thank you,” Oswald quipped, taking the offered tube. “Lie back for me, darling.”

Ed obeyed, flopping back down with a happy sigh. Oswald looked at him for a quick confirmation before slowly pulling down the waistband of his shorts, quietly eager to see what laid beneath.

“Oh, Edward,” Oswald shot him a wink, “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you seem excited.”

“Shut up, you tease.” Ed pouted and stuck his tongue out, wriggling his hips.

“Lift up,” Oswald instructed, helping Ed plant his feet on the mattress to lever himself. “Good boy.”

Oswald uncapped the lid for the lubricant, pouring a generous amount into his hand. It was already warmed from the room’s heat.

“Just so you know,” Ed panted as Oswald trailed his fingers up Ed’s inner thigh, nearing his target, “I may be a-a tad… responsive.”

“Oh?” Oswald looked up at him. He liked the sound of that.

“Just-” Ed’s Adam’s Apple bobbed, “Just a little bit.”

Oswald smiled warmly, taking measures to conceal his glee. “Okay, then. Tell me if I should stop.”

His finger reached Ed’s entrance, circling his rim slowly, prompting him to relax. Ed looked up at him, trust in his eyes as Oswald breached him slowly, already anticipating what was to come.

“Oh,” Ed gasped as Oswald carefully stroked his inner walls. “Oh, that’s-” He cut himself off, ending instead with a shudder and a loud moan. Oswald wondered what it would take for him to abandon all control.

Oswald began moving his finger in and out, memorizing Ed’s gasps and whines and moans. He grew increasingly desperate as Oswald added another finger, his head thrown back with a high keen. Oswald shivered, enjoying the display and feeling all the more ready himself to get on with the main event.

Oswald slipped another finger inside and twisted all three to brush against Ed’s prostate, curious to see how he would respond.

“Oswald!” he screeched, hips leaping off the bed. “Oswald, Oswald, Oswald, Oswald!” 

Oswald had never heard Ed say his name like that before. It was intoxicating. He had never known how much he wanted it.

“Fuck, Edward,” he hissed, feeling his own cock pulse desperately for attention. “D-do you feel ready now - can we-?”

“Yes!” Ed pleaded. “Please, God, yes!”

“Thank fuck.” Oswald carefully extracted his fingers as quickly as possible, wiping the excess lube onto himself. He was so freaking ready for this, but first-

Oswald planted one hand by Ed’s head to lean on as he stroked his face, smoothing away the sweaty curls. “Thank you for this,” he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to Ed’s lips, “It means a lot to me.”

“It means something to me too,” Ed murmured, blinking slowly. Oswald smiled, leaning down for a longer kiss, sucking Ed’s tongue gently and hearing him whine. “That is just-” Ed huffed as he pulled away, “-The _sexiest_ thing.”

Oswald shrugged. “I try.”

Ed snorted, shaking his head as Oswald sat back, coating his shaft with a little extra lube before he lined up with Ed’s entrance.

“Are you ready for this?” he asked, holding back the tide.

“Of course, I’m ready!” Ed grouched. “Now, fucking put it in me already!”

“Oh, so romantic,” Oswald gushed, snatching hold of Ed’s left hip.

“Coming from - _oh_.” Oswald grinned, watching Ed’s jabbering mouth go slack as he entered him slowly. “Fuck.” Oswald trailed his eyes down Ed’s throat to his blushing chest, lower and lower to see him standing at full attention.

“Glad you’re enjoying this, air-con wrecker,” Oswald huffed, wiping his brow before he planted his hand on the mattress and pushed in the rest of the way.

Ed gave a soft moan before uttering: “You’d think a man who could hold grudges as long as you would be able to fuck me into this mattress properly, already, but I guess-”

Oswald snapped his hips forward and back before he could allow Edward to finish, watching with a grin as Ed’s lips rounded out in a surprised groan, eyelashes flickering. “You were saying?”

“Is it hot in here?” Ed panted. “Or is it just you?”

Oswald rolled his eyes, leaning down to kiss the man and make him finally shut up.

He set a steady pace, pistoning in and out unrelentingly as Ed moaned below him, tongue in his mouth.

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” Ed asked, pulling out of the kiss to breathe.

“Yes,” Oswald panted, Ed’s image blurring a little as he struggled to think of a witty comeback. “Y-yes, you - _fuck_ , Edward.”

“Yeah,” Ed’s hips began lifting with him, the two of them chasing the feeling of want and desire and desperation that hung in the air around them. “Don’t you dare stop.”

 _“Believe me, I won’t,”_ Oswald thought, tongue too loose to properly articulate. The heat in the room was rising exponentially, and his head was swimming with Ed’s scent and touch and taste. He hoped to God he wouldn’t pass out before he reached the end.

“Oswald!” Ed gasped, torso twisting beneath him as he breathed out soft whines and moans. “Oswald, Oswald!” That was it, that was the spot.

“Fuck, my love,” Oswald moaned; a slip of the tongue he hoped Edward would forget. He dropped the hand clutching Ed’s hip to his cock, pulling slowly, then roughly, hearing Ed’s cries.

“C-cl-close,” Ed stammered out, head tossing from side to side, his beautiful curls spread out like rays of sunshine.

“Mine,” Oswald whispered, snapping his mouth shut, and closing his eyes. “My, uh, my God, this is good!”

Shit, that sounded so forced.

Ed hopefully didn’t seem to notice, long legs wrapping around Oswald’s waist, urging him to continue. Oswald clutched him close, letting his actions speak for him and he fucked him harder, forgetting finesse and strategy to simply pound him into the mattress.

“O-Oswald, I think-”

“Fuck, yes,” Oswald grunted. “Do it, come for me.”

He tracked his eyes up to Ed’s face, wanting to capture the moment as Ed’s mouth fell open, an almost-scream tearing from his lungs as he shivered and shook in Oswald grasp.

Fuck, Oswald never wanted to let go of this man. He needed to keep him forever.

“Oswald,” Ed mumbled breathlessly, a hand trailing down Oswald’s back, encouraging. “You too, Oswald. Come for me.”

Oswald whined, desperate for him, hips stuttering as he chased his rush. He came deep inside him, white light flooding his vision as he groaned, words falling from his lips without meaning.

He came to covered in sweat, skin sticking to Ed’s, both of them panting.

“Sorry, I’m probably heavy, aren’t I?” Oswald propped himself up with a hand.

“No, it’s…” Oswald slowly pulled out of Edward, examining the mess they’d created, “...fine.”

“God,” Oswald groaned, flopping down beside Ed, shoulders barely brushing as he stared at the cracked ceiling. “Let’s not do this when it’s so hot, next time,” he huffed. “Maybe fix the A.C, you…” Oswald trailed off.

Oh, shit. He’d said _“next time”_.

“Next time?”

Oh, fuck. “Um…” Oswald closed his eyes and tried to recall what Miss Mooney said about radiating confidence. “Well-”

“So, you mean to say-” Ed spoke over him and Oswald turned to meet his fragile gaze. The room sparked with every way this could go wrong. “You meant what you said back then?” Oh, so Ed had been paying attention. “-And this isn’t just a casual thing?”

Oswald frowned, imagining a world where they stopped this here. Where Oswald went off to work each night as normal, with nothing much to look forward to, and Ed went off to flirt with cute scientists and librarians and God knows what else. The two of them just friends. And, over time, perhaps even less than that.

“No,” Oswald shook his head, “This isn’t just a casual thing. I want…” _Well,_ “You.”

“Oh, thank goodness!” Ed rolled over like a spiralling tornado, a hand suddenly in Oswald’s hair, pulling him in. Oswald welcomed Ed’s taste on his tongue, curled his fingers into Ed’s skin, bit his lip in a possessive display. He felt euphoric, knowing he _had_ something now. That Ed was his something now.

Eventually, they parted, Oswald unable to contain the smile that spread across his face when he looked at Ed. He felt he was held captive in Ed’s glance, admiring his hair, his marble skin, his soft lips, his warm eyes.

“I’m guessing you won’t be so opposed to sharing your shower with me, after all,” Ed broke the silence, waggling his eyebrows mischievously.

“Oh, I don’t think so,” Oswald tutted, happily playing along. “You haven’t figured out your post-it, yet.”

“That’s what _you_ think,” Ed replied with an air of superiority, sticking his nose in the air.

“Oh?” Oswald raised an eyebrow. “Who are you, then?”

“Brendon Urie, of course,” Edward sang, placing a delicate hand on his chest.

“Fuck you for being right,” Oswald snapped, rolling his eyes as Ed burst out laughing. “So, who was mine supposed to be, huh?”

“Alan Turning.”

“Dammit!” Oswald sighed, shaking his head. “I should have gotten that.”

“But you didn’t!” Ed sang, grinning maniacally. “And I won!”

Oswald rolled his eyes as Ed leaned over to pepper a delighted series of kisses down his neck. “Yeah, yeah, you won.” 

He finally sat up, examining the mess of sweat and come over his stomach with a wince. He made his way over to his phone, swiping it up to check the time. Just past four o’clock. The harshest rays of the sun were over. They had survived the heat.

Oswald smiled. “Well, well, lucky winner,” Oswald turned back to meet Ed’s eye. “It’s about time I had my shower. Care to claim your prize?”

Ed grinned, standing up to place his hands on Oswald’s hips. “Indeed, I would,” he said, pressing a kiss to Oswald’s lips.

“Good!” Oswald took Ed’s hand and pulled him along to the bathroom, the two of them giggling like school children as they locked the door behind them.

And there, crumpled on the floor, remained two pairs of rainbow coloured shorts, far too tiny to be practical, but it seemed they’d done their job anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> There ya go. Hope you enjoyed this fic. Any and all kudos/comments are greatly appreciated.


End file.
